Last weekend for Radical Self-Care Sunday’s, I wrote about my trip to Yellow Springs with my best friend Samarah (Be sure to visit her blog via: Thesamarahpoe.com) and how it related to self-care and overall my personal challenge (Radical Self-love: A personal challenge for the month of February). This weekend has a story behind it. It didn’t initially start off as a weekend dedicated to self-love, it was merely me trying to escape my problems. I’ve shed light on some of the things I deal with mentally before, and I will continue to do so unapologetically with the hope that it may help some other young Black woman or girl, or anyone for that matter, because that is what I believe a part of my purpose is in life.
My purpose in life is to be selfless in my attempt to shed light, inspire, and heal through my words, my writing (future books, films, scripts, etc.) my platform. To be the truth and story teller during times where we need it the most.
Let me start off by telling you guys about my week. Mentally it was draining, if you had the chance to read my personal challenge for the month of February then you are familiar with me dedicating time out of my day either during the morning or the evening to mediate and do yoga, journal, write down positive self-affirmations, etc. Yeah, I didn’t do any of that. This week for me mentally was painful. I spent a few days in bed (not feeling sorry for myself), but simply feeling as if I couldn’t perform certain tasks. On top of that I missed a few classes (being at a PRIVATE HBCU) where attendance is required, it just wasn’t looking up for me. I am also taking 21 credit hours to ensure that I will graduate, May of 2019, it just seemed while laying in my dorm room that things were falling apart again. It seemed that I was making a joke out of myself to actually believe that things could be brighter and that there was light at the end of this tunnel filled with struggle, but you know what? This all comes with the territory of having bad mental health weeks or days.
It comes with the territory of being a leader, of doing for others as well as yourself, of having a purpose and dreams that sometimes seem too big for the naked eye to see.
Sometimes you may feel hopeless, you feel alone in your struggle, you feel that friends and family can’t possibly understand the pain you feel flowing through your veins, your mind, body and spirit, but you keep going. You keep pushing because there is no other option. Lets now start to look at the positive in all of this, Friday I forced myself to make it to class (because that’s what any resilient a** born revolutionary would do). Somehow because of something happening in the local town of Xenia, we had a power outage at my university which in turn made classes cancel for the rest of the day. I went back to my dorm room and purchased me a good ole greyhound ticket from Dayton, Ohio to Detroit, Michigan (where I would be picked up by my mother upon arriving in Detroit to head to Flint, Michigan) in other words HOME.
There is something that I get out of riding the Greyhound. I absolutely love traveling or being on the road, granted this wasn’t traveling in the sense that I would be seeing new things or visiting new places, but being on the road, not feeling obligated to speak to anyone almost as if I am in solitude, is a nice feeling. “Can I get a window seat, don’t want nobody next to me” (All of my fellow Erycah Badu fans feel that: let’s all light our incense in unison.
I continued reading (Tiffany Haddish: The Last Black Unicorn). I then wrote a little on my laptop and when I arrived in Detroit and finally saw my mother and little sister in that green jeep of my mom’s, I could not hold my smile in. There I was just yesterday feeling so dark and as I walked towards my mother and little sister I felt light inside of me. Nothing can ever replace family. It took us an hour to get home to Flint. The next day being Sunday, I went to church and as I was nearing the entrance of the sanctuary I could hear my granddaddy on the mic and I instantly felt at peace again. The first person I was greeted by was my stepmother busy doing things around church for a special event. I then saw everyone else my grandmother, my father, cousins, my youngest baby sister, etc. I felt amazing. I hate that I didn’t get to hear my granddaddy sing, but I did get to see him on that stage as I have so many times before growing up and that is something that I needed, it was a sense of security, it was as if God was speaking to me through various ways. Later after church I went to my father’s house and the family, some who came in from Chicago (My step mother’s sisters) all played Uno. I then rode home with my dad to the other side of town where my mother and little sister lives and finished reading (Tiffany Haddish: The Last Black Unicorn).
This book is great, and it made me laugh a lot, smile, angry and even want to cry. Tiffany Haddish life’s story is amazing, and it was the topping on the cake for my radical self-care day/weekend. Her story of success and triumph even after everything she has gone through spoke to me. Two quotes from the book that I underlined are:
“I believe in God, and I believe that I have a purpose in life. I believe we all do, I believe you do too”. “No matter how bad things go, no matter how dark your life is, there is a reason for it. You can find beauty in it, and you can get better.” -Tiffany Haddish
Be sure to join me on my adventure next week for my radical (self-care) day/weekend, and be on the lookout for a review on (Tiffany Haddish: The Last Black Unicorn)
“She too realizes she needs herself, the way Maya needed her pen, the way Giovanni Ego be trippin’, the way Alice gave birth to The Color Purple, see I am these women, and because I now know this to be true just like Angelou, I know that I’ll rise, I’ll rise”. – Allahnastevie