Everyday since I’ve come back to college for my junior year, the thought of suicide has crossed my mind. For so long I’ve been struggling with insecurities, lack of self-love, mental barriers, mental confusion, hopelessness…yet I’m on a mission. I’m on a mission to find peace. Feeling that it’s all within reach, I simply have to just keep going. For the sake of my ancestors living vicariously through me and my baby sisters who are looking up to me.
Mental illnesses are rarely talked about within the Black community. I’ve never sat with a group of young Black women and discussed mental illnesses, the idea of peace, self love, healthy dieting, exercising, meditation, etc. I’m on a mission to fall in love with myself. I’m on a mission to be at peace with everything, for surely self prophecy is key. Closing my eyes and envisioning myself on my grandfather’s balcony, sitting on the red swing looking out at his huge backyard with the creek, the trees, and hearing the birds chirp. It’s where I find myself at peace; where I find myself being still. Simply being.
I’m humble. I’m thanking God for her creation and for her presence. For God is everywhere. The wind, the trees, the sun are within me. Meaning that peace is within me. I just have to do some digging. This post is not structured, nor does it have a particular purpose. I’m just sharing thoughts freely this morning. Waking up with this new mindset. I plan on blogging and sharing my journey of my mission in finding peace, and loving myself completely. Learning and growing. I’ll one day be the voice for the voiceless. I’ll one day inspire. I thank God for my struggles and story, I thank me. I plan on trying to meditate daily, along with journaling, jogging, changing my diet, etc. I’m on a mission to save my life, and be the woman whom I am destined to be. A creator, a lover, a beautiful being. One day, my presence and soul will shine through, and my voice will be heard.
For it is all within me. Yes Allahna, peace is within reach.
“I’d experienced a return of energy, of clarity and groundess of reality, that I’d missed for a long time” – Alice Walker