A creator, A woman, dreamer, visionary..yet at times lost. Lost in labels, in coming to terms with what it means to be a creater, a women. Lost in trying to please others, in particular her family. Trapped inside her mind, a mind full of creativity, a way of escaping reality, her only way of survival. This post isn’t structured it does not have a particular focus, for she only dreams of helping others through her writing by being honest, allowing herself to be vulnerable for a greater purpose. With so many dreams and visions that she rarely talks about, from dreams of creating one of the next classic Films, to having an influence on young women’s lives through her art, through writing scripts, short films, poetry, novels, etc. Having this immense passion for storytelling, rather it be interviews or so much more that she hasn’t done yet, her mind is like an ocean full of creative waves. It’s only been about three weeks since I’ve turned 20 and I often find myself wrestling with time.. for I imagined that I would half way have it figured out at this point in my life. Often times posing the question..”How does a creative maneuver through life at a time where her creativity is limited, isn’t supported, where she’s in college not getting what she longs for out of the experience?” How does one create while dealing with depression? Often times feeling as if she is drowning in a pool of self doubt, fear, insecurities, so many thoughts, and unexplainable emotions, it becomes debilitating.
I was recently reading “The same river twice: Honering the Difficult” by Alice Walker and this quote stood out to me:
Chronic fatigue syndrome: I latched on to that, desperately needing some label to define what was happening to me. It was known to be a condition that affected mainly women who were active politically and socially , women who were “creative” I read that most of these women spent their days weeping and depressed scared and often unable to move. It had no cure and still dosent – Alice Walker
“Love is what love wants and love wants what love is, and if love is a revolutionary emotion what does it mean to love and appreciate oneself?”- Allahnastevie
A thought provoking free write. For writing heals, it allows you to escape reality and create worlds and scenarios.. writing is a necessity. Allahnastevie must continue to create for the young girl she was and the woman she is becoming.. to one day have an impact through my writing the way Alice Walker and Maya Angelou have for me. This is a message to keep going.